Eviction date

I officially have a C-section date: 11/30! I will be 40 weeks and two days pregnant. I think it is a good time as it gives her a few more weeks to make a decision to turn as well as finish growing up in there :) I can't wait to meet you in 18 days or less my girl <3

Update

Aka the one where she chickened out.

I decided to cancel the version. Although risks are low I would hate to have something overloooked and be sent home.. I will discuss if they will attempt it if/once I go into labor (before the scheduled section). In any case, she still might turn on her own and if she does not I am sure Beth Israel can do a good C-section. In any case, I would rather take on the risks instead of having her take any.. also, Yes I am a flip-flipper and I hate making these decisions!

Week 37.

The end is in sight more than ever before. I am just over 37 weeks pregnant now with my due date just two weeks and some days away. I am still working. Yesterday, I announced to my boss that I would definitely be working this week and next (unless my water breaks or something), but I was not sure if I would work the week of Thanksgiving (at which point I will be over 39 weeks pregnant, if I am still pregnant then). I am vacillating about (potentially) having a few days at home before Thanksgiving/ baby/ etc. (which is an hour and a half away form the hospital) or being at work (a mere 5 minute walk from the hospital).

No end game has been finalized. I think a lot will be decided based on how this Friday goes – provided baby did not suddenly become a giant (doubtful), and that everything else still looks good (like the amount of amniotic fluid and her BPP scores), I will be having an External Cephalic Version (ECV) performed this Friday – a procedure to turn the baby from a butt down to a head down position. I am nervous about it – they book you in labor and delivery, complete with a hospital gown and an IV, standing by ready to preform an emergency C-section in case something goes wrong. Which is freaky. But watching YouTube videos of successful quick and seemingly painless ECVs has (somewhat) put my mind at ease. So we shall see how things go and hopefully I will have an update one way or the other by the end of the week.

My BP is steady, at about 120/80 at home. Systolic always spikes at the office but diastolic is fine – Dr. H says I am “vascularly excitable” (aka anxious?). Since the diastolic BP is in a good range, my urine is always negative for protein, and I have no swelling (or any other symptoms of Pre-E), I have managed to avoid a 24 hr. urine collection still (not complaining!) I do feel a bit like a whale but really it’s not so bad. I have small discomforts such as slight nausea after eating a good-size meal (thanks baby, for all the kicks into my stomach), I think pulled a ligament at the bottom of my foot but it’s only uncomfortable when I walk barefoot, getting up off the couch/ out of the car is not super easy, and also I hate standing on my tip-toes to reach things in the kitchen because it seems that involves leg cramps. Sleep. I miss sleep. I have to pee all the time and it’s not easy getting/ staying comfortable. But really it’s not too bad. I can’t complain much. I feel lucky.

Diabetes… is fine. Sometimes I will get a transient spike to 140-150ish but at this point I just shrug, correct and move on. I am not sure if my insulin needs are still increasing but they are definitely not decreasing! Dr. H. said I must have a super placenta – I’ll take it J I am dreading the post-partum adjustments – especially if I have C-section I want to make sure my blood sugar is in a normal range as much as possible but I am concerned it will be difficult with little rhyme or reason with all the hormonal swings. I will just have to cross that bridge when I come to it, and keep my Dexcom on for a while.

In other news baby has a name now - it’s Audrey. Things feel even more real now that we are referring to her by her name instead of calling her “the baby”.

Anyway, I am more excited than nervous, by a long shot. Bring it on.

36 weeks

This week can be described as a mad scramble to finish stuff that needs to get done - at work, at home, basically everywhere. Calling a pediatrician's office, daycares, setting up work plans for the next couple of month, and scrubbing the floors on all fours (which did not flip the baby, unfortunately) were all achieved.

I was a bit sad and annoyed yesterday at my bi-weekly BPP appointment, because the technician wasn't the greatest. She acted very surprised that I had no complications of diabetes, and then told me about her niece who had diabetes since she was 8, had difficulty managing it, bounced around into 800s all the time, and recently got a kidney and pancreas transplant. Then she added "She was a bit older than you though - 33." This made me really sad. Also the technician was very slow and kept (slowly) checking on things that I felt like didn't need to be checked on, like which side of the baby the stomach was on. We KNOW what side it's on - the correct one! I guess it's always good to be extra sure but after ALL THOSE SCANS I have already received I think we would know if something MAJOR like that was off... I guess my biggest annoyance was that she seemed to have this underlying assumption that "because I have diabetes something MUST be wrong"  - at least that was the impression that I got and I did not like it, not one bit. Then she tried to get an accurate measurement of amniotic fluid and failed to find the deep pocket of fluid, resulting in a low fluid measurement, at which point she told me to stay there and she was going to get the doctor who would "give me the results". After waiting for what seemed like an eternity and thinking that maybe this time something was actually concerning, *my doc came in and said "OK, let's find that fluid". And he did, within about 30 seconds of being in the room. "Everything looks perfectly normal Maria. Sorry about that, let's get you out of here." So yeah, we are still good (although still breech also).

I am coming into that home stretch and as I look at my baby apps that tell me "3 weeks and some odd days till due date" it excites me to to no end and also leaves me in a lot of disbelief. I still have a lot to get accomplished at work in the next several weeks (yes, I will be working full time until whenever the baby comes) and hopefully I can get it all done. I have been keeping tabs on my blood pressure, and it's still holding in the normal range at home most of the time, but given the spikes at the doctors office (which is always the case for me, pregnant or not) I fully expect a 24-hr urine collection coming my way at some point in the very near future. I am hoping that these next 3 (or 4? or less?!) weeks run smoothly. I am so excited to meet my daughter. I am still in awe of how time has flown by and that it is November already and I am going to be a mom so soon.

Also, can I just say that maternity leave policies in this country suck?! The reality of leaving my baby at 8 or 9 weeks in daycare, not seeing her for 10-11 hours a day M-F, pumping breast milk at work, etc. all make me want to throw up. I have been suppressing these feelings for some time (I have worked since I was 15, pretty much non-stop) but this week I stopped suppressing them. I will discuss all of my thoughts in a later post, after she is here. I have not made any final decisions yet, but  suffice it to say for now that the whole pregnancy experience did not play out the way I expected, in particular when it comes to my feelings on going back to work so soon. There is a very integral part of me that has been screaming inside: "I did not want to have a baby just so I could leave her in daycare for 50 or more hours per week at such a young age!!" "I am going to miss all the milestones!!" "My boss sucks kind of because I know she bothers people who are on maternity leave, expecting them to basically work from home" "I am fairly certain that can get a much better-paying job that is more convenient later next year!" Anyway. I am not one to rashly close doors, but allowing these feelings to emerge and discussing them with my family has left me feeling lighter and free this week.

More to come.

35 weeks...

I don’t know if I will be able to write every week but I figured I would give another brief update while I can (and post some pics). I am just past 35 weeks. The baby is still breech. Other than that things are well I think. I am going in for BPPs every Tuesday and Friday. I have also decided that if she does not turn in the next few weeks I will opt for the ECV if still on the table (e.g. if fluid levels remain high enough, etc.) I plan to push the procedure as late as they will allow in order to give her the best chance to turn on her own and avoid early delivery as much as possible in case something goes wrong. If she stays breech regardless, I will plan for a c-section right around her due date probably. I keep reading stories of babies turning at the last moment so I really want to give her all the chances in the world and definitely don’t want to rush into assuming she will stay breech and delivering early in case she does end up turning. It would be really nice if she would just turn and then I could just go into labor on my own, etc. I keep reminding myself that if a breech baby is the only problem I am having, that’s ok, and the most important thing is that she is healthy. My diabetes is so far out of the picture at the moment…

So here are some pics, as promised: In no particular order, there is baby stuff, curious dog, recent Dexcom report, and me (taken 6 months apart). Have I mentioned I gained like 30 lbs??? I am getting there.

34 weeks

Well I have made it to 34 weeks and things are going pretty well I think. The problem I am having still is that the baby is breech. I am doing all the exercises that may or may not help her flip head down short of standing on my head and scrubbing all my floors on all fours (next weekend, maybe). I also haven’t tried the icepack to her head advice, but I am thinking I might as well. (Aside: my dogs get pretty excited when I am doing my inversions with my elbows on the floor and my butt high up on the couch, or laying on the floor with my pelvis elevated. At least *they are amused)… If she doesn’t flip I will be offered a version at around 37 weeks, which is a decision I am dreading making because with an anterior placenta and being a first time mom the odds of success are lower and the risks (although unlikely) freak me out. I haven’t decided if a guaranteed scheduled c-section freaks me out more than attempting a version first in an effort to attempt vaginal delivery.

My doctor’s appointment last Friday went much better than the last one – I was more agreeable to ceding control of my diabetes management (whatever, if they mess it up it’s one them!)  and he seemed pleased that I was going along with hospital policy and also with the twice a week biophysical profiles (BPPs) starting this week. I hope they don’t take long – so far they haven’t – she is always very active, practice breathing, and my amniotic fluid is and always has been “average”, which is great. I also had my first growth scan in over a month last week, and was very pleased that babe was still consistently in the 30^th percentile. I only get one more growth scan in 4 weeks and that’s it for that!

I am keeping an eye on my blood pressure at home and was pleased to find it at 110/65 this morning. I also have zero swelling. So far so good. My blood sugar management continues on its own curve of running averages in the very low 100s with a tight standard deviation (of less than 20 mg/dl), translating to a normal A1C in the low 5s. My morning I:C ratio is now up to 1:2 with other meals at 1:2.5, and I am up to 26 units of Levemir daily. Crazy! I am doing what needs to be done and also fearfully dreading the postpartum insulin adjustments to come. With lows under 60 mg/dl reported as less than 1% (according to Dexcom) I really can’t complain.

My baby shower/ B’s 30^th birthday went great – we got so much stuff and it’s really starting to feel real. My living room was temporarily transformed into a fortress of cardboard boxes (again, more amusement for the canines).  I promise I will post some pictures soon. Gotta run, meeting calls …

32 weeks: let the crazy begin

Well, here we are: 32 weeks along and 8 to go (give or take).

While I have been very lucky with pregnancy symptoms overall (no serious pains, heartburn, nausea, exhaustion, swelling, etc. *In fact sometimes I forget I am pregnant until kicked), I have to say that the third trimester hormones have been messing with my emotions (sorry B).

Also, sorry Dr. H. What can I say – I have recently turned into a bit of a control freak. The 40-minute discussion about whether all those twice a week appointments are really necessary for me (although I was relieved to hear that they are recommended after 34 weeks and not 32) did not amuse him. Nor did my obsessively strong desire to manage my own insulin during labor and delivery (apparently that is against hospital policy). I must say the latest “discussion” was not so much heated but just kind of antagonistic and repetitive (on both of our parts). We came to some agreements without much discussion at all: no early induction unless actual complications present (including going past due date, within reasonable limits), scheduled C-section only if baby remains breech (actually he said they do have limits on estimated fetal weight when it comes to vaginal delivery in diabetic patients but he seems to think that is a moot point considering my level of control and that the baby has been tracking in the 30-comething percentile). Looking back, I think maybe I am just over-reacting about giving up my own blood glucose management in the hospital. I am sure they can do a good job, and he said I can move around for most of the delivery (until the end when they do the Dex10/insulin drip to “clamp” my BG in the normoglycemic range for delivery OR if I have pain management, whatever happens first.) I guess that’s OK. I hope they listen to me when I tell them what I have been doing to stay in the normoglycemic range (92% of the time, according to the latest Dexcom download, translating to a 5.2% A1C). I know I am over-reacting, but something about not having a say in my own management protocol (which has been working so well) makes me a crazy pregnant bitch (maybe it’s just that I expected this would be a non-issue, since I have heard of other women being allowed to do so in labor, but where I am it’s a “non-starter according to hospital policy”). And I understand that it is policy and this doctor is not just trying to piss me off for no reason. I really do. But it just wasn’t what I expected. I was also hoping she wouldn’t still be breech (but she was). They will offer an external cephalic version at 37ish weeks to try to turn her if she doesn’t comply on her own. If she stays breech, it will be a C-section. Some things are just out of my control – might as well get used to it, I hear parenthood is full of that shit (and worry).

The good news is her first biophysical profile (BPP) took all of two minutes. She was doing all the things she was supposed to, and the fluid level looked great. My at-home blood pressure readings remain excellent, and Dr. H is not concerned about the spikes at the office (I guess when your pulse is 120, one can deduce a systolic high reading is an artifact of anxiety J

So, where am I/ What’s the point of this post? Oh yeah, I have to give up some control (a good lesson for impatient control-freak me). Also, after talking to B (who is very laid back and the perfect balance to all my crazy), I have decided there is absolutely no reason to not just go to the routine monitoring appointments. I am stubborn but not that stubborn? (read: I would never forgive myself if I went all apeshit AMA and something bad happened).

Until next time.