36 weeks

This week can be described as a mad scramble to finish stuff that needs to get done - at work, at home, basically everywhere. Calling a pediatrician's office, daycares, setting up work plans for the next couple of month, and scrubbing the floors on all fours (which did not flip the baby, unfortunately) were all achieved.

I was a bit sad and annoyed yesterday at my bi-weekly BPP appointment, because the technician wasn't the greatest. She acted very surprised that I had no complications of diabetes, and then told me about her niece who had diabetes since she was 8, had difficulty managing it, bounced around into 800s all the time, and recently got a kidney and pancreas transplant. Then she added "She was a bit older than you though - 33." This made me really sad. Also the technician was very slow and kept (slowly) checking on things that I felt like didn't need to be checked on, like which side of the baby the stomach was on. We KNOW what side it's on - the correct one! I guess it's always good to be extra sure but after ALL THOSE SCANS I have already received I think we would know if something MAJOR like that was off... I guess my biggest annoyance was that she seemed to have this underlying assumption that "because I have diabetes something MUST be wrong"  - at least that was the impression that I got and I did not like it, not one bit. Then she tried to get an accurate measurement of amniotic fluid and failed to find the deep pocket of fluid, resulting in a low fluid measurement, at which point she told me to stay there and she was going to get the doctor who would "give me the results". After waiting for what seemed like an eternity and thinking that maybe this time something was actually concerning, *my doc came in and said "OK, let's find that fluid". And he did, within about 30 seconds of being in the room. "Everything looks perfectly normal Maria. Sorry about that, let's get you out of here." So yeah, we are still good (although still breech also).

I am coming into that home stretch and as I look at my baby apps that tell me "3 weeks and some odd days till due date" it excites me to to no end and also leaves me in a lot of disbelief. I still have a lot to get accomplished at work in the next several weeks (yes, I will be working full time until whenever the baby comes) and hopefully I can get it all done. I have been keeping tabs on my blood pressure, and it's still holding in the normal range at home most of the time, but given the spikes at the doctors office (which is always the case for me, pregnant or not) I fully expect a 24-hr urine collection coming my way at some point in the very near future. I am hoping that these next 3 (or 4? or less?!) weeks run smoothly. I am so excited to meet my daughter. I am still in awe of how time has flown by and that it is November already and I am going to be a mom so soon.

Also, can I just say that maternity leave policies in this country suck?! The reality of leaving my baby at 8 or 9 weeks in daycare, not seeing her for 10-11 hours a day M-F, pumping breast milk at work, etc. all make me want to throw up. I have been suppressing these feelings for some time (I have worked since I was 15, pretty much non-stop) but this week I stopped suppressing them. I will discuss all of my thoughts in a later post, after she is here. I have not made any final decisions yet, but  suffice it to say for now that the whole pregnancy experience did not play out the way I expected, in particular when it comes to my feelings on going back to work so soon. There is a very integral part of me that has been screaming inside: "I did not want to have a baby just so I could leave her in daycare for 50 or more hours per week at such a young age!!" "I am going to miss all the milestones!!" "My boss sucks kind of because I know she bothers people who are on maternity leave, expecting them to basically work from home" "I am fairly certain that can get a much better-paying job that is more convenient later next year!" Anyway. I am not one to rashly close doors, but allowing these feelings to emerge and discussing them with my family has left me feeling lighter and free this week.

More to come.