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Thursday, May 15, 2014

#Dblog week: What brings me up

My family, my friends. My ability to share with them. My ability to share with you.

This wasn't true even two years ago for me. I was lonely in my diabetes life. I allowed myself to feel all those things all by myself and only by myself: the guilt, the fear, the carelessness, the depression, the anxiety, the feeling of wanting to be "normal" and knowing that diabetes won't let me... These are hard feelings to deal with.

I went to therapy - initially not because of diabetes.. In fact, as I progressed through the sessions, I came to realize - what a big role diabetes has played. In everything. In my attitude towards myself and others, in my risk-taking habits, in my sense of who I am. Diagnosed at 18.5 yrs. old, in the midst of what I will now only describe as a "very tough time in my [very young] life", it was a slap in the face and seemed nearly impossible to accept to say the least (I digress, that's a whole another story).

Today, my friend and I met over lunch (and may have smoked some pot ;). We talked about my upcoming dissertation and about my impending new job, we talked about research, and people we knew, we talked about our bosses, and summer plans. Somehow, diabetes came up. Here's where I'm lucky - being a scientist, most of my friends are familiar with diabetes - most basic things anyway. Side story: this particular friend of mine actually has a history of T2D in her family. Her father very sadly passed away in his 50s due to a heart attack, after many years of obesity and T2D.. (My friend herself has lost ~70 lbs. in the last 1.5 yrs due to this fact mainly). I proceeded to talk (ramble?) about the basal-bolus approach (imagine rambles herewith, including an in-depth discourse about the analog vs. human insulins, doses, lows, highs, etc.), concluding with the statement "so that's the current treatment approach ... sounds simple in theory..." I could tell that for someone who did not have diabetes, she understood very well. She sympathized in my struggle and opened up more about her dad..

I joined the DOC about 1.5 yrs. ago.  Feeling less alone, I felt like I could open up to others. I have not been disappointed. Whether it was my friends, my husband, or my family, I have been finding nothing but understanding and support when it comes to my diabetes life. The thing is I never would have known it was possible, that it was out there to that extent, if it wasn't for all your stories, for all your openness.

Today, I share. With you. Or IRL. And I am still amazed at how much it helps.

I love you all.

<3 -MM

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