This week can only be summarized as: I don’t want to do anything anymore.
After today, I have exactly 4 days of work left until I take a week of “vacation” (read: clean, cook, and get a haircut) before my “official” maternity leave will commence on my due date of 11/28.
I am dragging my feet to say the least – at work, at home, you name it. I feel heavy and tired and my feet definitely hurt on the days when I have to stand too long. And I gained yet more weight. Even. More. Weight.
I am trying to keep my emotions steady. About everything – the (very likely) C-section, and recovery from said surgery, the uncertainty of being at my house next week (over an hour and a half from my hospital when my husband is at work, also over an hour and a half away), the fact that my boss is driving me up the wall, and the fact that I still can’t seem to wrap my head around that in all likelihood by the end of this month (one way or another) I am going to deliver my daughter and become a mom. I think the emotions are exacerbated by hormones and a lack of peaceful sleep.
Although my blood pressure is still fine (in fact it was even ok at the doc’s office last week), and there is what I would call only very minimal swelling in my ankles at the end of the day, the need to urinate even more frequently (many times a night), and not being able to find a comfortable position at night that doesn’t result in leg cramps, numbness in my hands, back pain, or just random bouts of insomnia where I feel like I can’t shut off my brain has made me feel like I am suddenly succumbing to the end-of-pregnancy suck. What a difference between now and two weeks ago. Two weeks go I had to remind myself that I am not allowed (NOT allowed!) to run to try to catch the train. Now there is just now way (NO WAY!) I am coming close to running for anything. I think I am starting to understand all those women who complained a lot of the end. All the memes about feeling like a hippo and the last month of pregnancy feeling like it lasts 1623 days or so.
Don’t get me wrong – I am not ungrateful. I am grateful that the only “problem” I have had so far is a baby who is stubborn and won’t turn head down. I am grateful that I was able to do such a fantastic job maintaining normal A1Cs throughout the pregnancy. I am grateful that I have an awesome husband and a very supportive (albeit sometimes slightly overbearing but very well-meaning!) family (all of whom will be there for me as I recover from childbirth and figure out the whole mom thing). Despite the discomforts of going to term, I am so very grateful that despite having type 1 diabetes, I as of now appear to be healthy enough to expect to continue with this pregnancy past my due date.
Sigh. Only four more days of work. And then (unless something exciting happens sooner or baby decides to flip) another 11 days until parenthood – but who is counting? And happy World Diabetes Day (once upon a time I entertained the idea that I may potentially deliver on WDD, but here I am – 38 weeks today, still very pregnant, with the end almost in sight though).