With the exception of this blog and my husband, my diabetes is almost imperceptible to anyone around me. I don't talk about it a lot, I don't test or inject "in public". When I go into a lab meeting or presentation with a bg of 300-something, my boss doesn't know about it. When I am low low low and my hands start to shake I quietly go to my office and stuff my face with candy or juice. I sit there quietly, as patient as one can be, using all of my willpower not to scream "help - I feel like I'm dying" to a coworker. All in the name of keeping D generally well-hidden.
It isn't shame. Nor is it a lack of a desire to educate. It is simple: I just want people to see ME first.
More recently, I shared my (postsecret) fears of complications and feara of pregnancy with diabetes with my husband. I feel better that I did. But I also feel like I lost a part of the happy-go-lucky demeanor I tend to project as a result. So while sharing is healthy, for me, keeping things hidden also works jn my favor by not allowing me to prioritize diabetes (management, fears, etc) over living my life.
I feel exactly the same way. I don't want to be seen as the guy with diabetes. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, to pity me. Thanks for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteThis is the first post I really felt at ease with and resonated with.
ReplyDeleteYES! I want people to see ME first too.
I wholly respect your decision to keep diabetes out of the Maria-picture that is you. By not disclosing, you have found a way to feel better about your relationships. It's genius. Thank you for sharing this, lady.
ReplyDeleteYes! I work from home now, but back when I worked in an office, I felt the same exact way as you!
ReplyDeletePregnancy with diabetes is sort of scary, but totally doable, especially with all the resources out there now! I'm happy to answer any questions you might have too :)