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Thursday, April 2, 2015

The person, the numbers

Hey there -just a random story today -

Back when I was first diagnosed and struggling to accept the fact, a pharmacist I worked with said to me:

"You? Type 1 Diabetes? Cake! You can do it. If anyone can do it it's you because you're so smart! Seriously - you're lucky; you can do this."

I have to admit I had no idea what he was talking about back then. At the time I was in denial and refusing to treat, even refusing to learn about treatment - and here he was - assuming that because I was a biochemistry student I should be "all over it" (in more ways than one). That's the thing about the emotional impact of a chronic disease diagnosis - it doesn't matter if you're educated, it matters whether or not you're willing to accept it and deal with it. I know there are plenty of people who don't study biology and were more than willing to accept (even be relieved at) a diagnosis and motivated to learn how to best treat. But not me. I spent a year and a half stuck in the mentality that there was no fucking way I was diabetic, walking around with n A1C of "over 18" and lying to myself. No, dear pharmacist, it didn't matter then how "smart" I was (according to you anyway).

I don't know why I am so bitter about that memory. Probably because once in a great while I can't help but think of how pathetic I felt that whole year+ and how I may live to see the consequences. I hope if anyone out there knows someone or is that someone who was in my situation, they will seek treatment sooner.

Because it's not so bad. And he was right - I can do it. I can count carbs in my head (cake), I can keep numerous variables in my head, I can adjust rapidly, and when I/m really diligent and everything comes together, I am in fact full capable of reigning diabetes into staying in the low to mid 100s with no lows (almost) indefinitely. Although, I am human still - and there is the emotional element. No matter ho much of  a diabetes beast I can be, I can be in a rut all the same. Still the same person - whether the A1C is 6.2, 8.6, or "over 18".

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