If only it was always like this

In the wild..

Walking to the train after work I see a little kid (maybe 5?) and his babysitter walking to the train as well. "Eat your snack," she instructs. "You better eat your snack."
"Haha, what if I am 40?" Laughs. "What if I am 12? Hahaha" The kid is having a good time as he waves around his ziplocks of goldfish and fruit snacks. "What if I am 1? Hehehe!!"
"Well if you are 1 I think we would have to stick that medicine in your butt! Or maybe you will just eat a ton of those fruit snacks."

I pause and look at them closely as we cross the street together and we make eye contact.
"Glucagon?" I inquire.

Her eyes widen. "Yeah!"

She first assumes I have gestational diabetes (since I am wicked prego these days) and tells me how his mom had it with him and his older brother. Sounds like mom is trying to ease the sting of diagnosis for him by relating to her own experiences managing blood glucose levels.

"I have type 1 too," I say. She gets excited. I am also, but cannot help but feel an overwhelming feeling of sadness for the young boy. He is just fine though. "You?! You have type 1 diabetes too!!?" "I do!!" We bond. He can't believe it. Just recently diagnosed. Can't believe he is not the only one.

I chat with the babysitter as we walk together. He will be starting on a CGM soon. I pull mine out and show them. They are both so excited! "It doesn't even hurt," he brags about the injections. He is getting a pump soon. They are newbies - trying to figure out the intricacies of balancing insulin dosing and the unpredictability of childhood. I tell them to go for the Dexcom, how much easier it will be. I wish I had time to tell them so much more.

"Did you have it your whole life?" She asks. "No actually I was diagnosed at 18." We continue to talk and walk and bond. We talk about how rare type 1 is and how exciting it is to just meet another type 1 "in the wild". My train is there, I have to go. I regret not exchanging numbers (is that weird?) I feel like I could have, should  have, told them so much more. Perhaps we will see each other again. If there is a next time, I will tell them more.

I can't help but pause and think about "what if it was my child?" The kid was a happy kid. He was not in the least bit sad or bitter. I reflect about a recent social media post inquiring if those diagnosed as adults feel more bitter because they remember life before diagnosis. I am thankful that I don't feel bitter. Although my heart broke for him I could not bring myself to feel bad for him, as he skipped away to the other side of the tracks.

Third Trimester Reflections

Hello and welcome to another ramble & update post J I am about 30.5 weeks pregnant. I am finishing up my fourth week at my new job. It’s going pretty well. The commute is miserable. And diabetes? Well, it’s getting more and more difficult to manage.

To sum up my life M-F, I get up at 4 am, feed my dogs, eat, commute for 2 hours, work for 8 hours, commute back for 2.5 hours, feed my dogs, eat, crash on the couch for 2 hours watching TV, sleep, and then do it all over again. The weekend always involves hiking with the dogs, cleaning, cooking for the week, and more often than not visits from family and friends (which I don’t mind at all but have also been relieved to have a couple of “free” weekends recently, now that it has been two months since we moved and we have caught up with all the family and most friends). We are excitingly looking at houses that will bring us closer to work so we can have a nice commute (anything is nicer than what we are doing now), and working out our financial situation to make that happen as quickly as possible (hopefully before my maternity leave ends). Maybe I am supposed to start preparing for the arrival of my daughter somewhere in between?

The rest of my life pretty much involves being preoccupied with being pregnant and having diabetes. I will briefly sum up the doctor visits (actually there has only been one more so far) and also BG management.

After the longest break in between appointments (almost 5 weeks) I find out a few days before I am scheduled to see Dr. O that in fact there has been a mstake and she cannot provide care for me since I am not being managed at the Joslin Diabetes Center concurrently. Big bummer. They apologize for telling me the wrong thing. I ask them to schedule me for the same day and time with someone (anyone) else who is able to be my OB even though I manage my own diabetes care. They do. Enter Dr. H. I like Dr. H. We talked for a while at my 29.5? week appointment last Friday. Below is the snapshot of the summary (I guess we all agree to be reasonable and we shall see what exactly that will entail considering how the pregnancy progresses). I actually don’t mind being monitored extra “just because diabetes” it’s totally fine with me, but given my stressful commute, new job, and deductible (and not the very best insurance plan), I would prefer to alleviate some of those stresses by perhaps opting for a few fewer BPP appointments after I hit 32 weeks. I want to be respectful and as agreeable as possible while still advocating for what is best for me and I think I got that across…

Honestly, I can’t believe I am in the single-week countdown, so to speak. Time has sped up (and also somehow slowed down) if that makes any sense at all. Oh about the baby – she looked great - 38^th percentile for growth, practice breathing, average amniotic fluid, good-looking placenta, etc. etc. etc. I hope this trend continues. I has a bit disappointed that she was in the breech presentation last week (after being head down every other time), but sounds like there is plenty of room to turn so I hope she does. I look forward to the appointment actually – it does provide peace of mind (and I really need to get on top of discussing plans for labor etc. although I know that those plans will likely go out the window because life and childbirth in particular appears to be quite unpredictable).

My baby shower is two weeks from tomorrow. Crazy. It will also be B’s 30^th birthday. Equals huge family party at my mom’s J

I am experiencing some pregnancy discomforts but overall it’s not too bad. I miss being able to sprint full speed to catch the train. My steady (if not accelerating) weight gain surprises me but I guess it’s fine – the doctors did not say anything… I had one evening where I had heartburn so bad that I almost threw up and that never happens to me. I did eat a lot of crap food that day though and it hasn’t happened since. My energy levels are either very good or meh. I like the good days. My favorite thing about pregnancy is by far feeling the baby move. It is nice to connect with her as she kicks and flutters about on my long commutes or when I am laying down at night. It is more surprising when she has a dance party in the middle of a work meeting. 

Emotionally, I am doing pretty well. The third trimester dreams are kicking into gear as my subconscious psyche explores labor fears. I do still worry about what-ifs and what may go wrong, and although there are no guarantees I am doing all I can to produce the best possible outcome and I try to accept that not all is under my control. It is just very hard to believe that I am going to have a child soon and that everything will just work out OK (I sure hope that it does though).

Finally, about diabetes – the insulin resistance is no joke and I am making constant adjustments. Based on my latest Dexcom stats, my A1C is holding at 5.5% but I won’t lie – it is a fight to stay there. My total daily dose for Levemir just hit 22 units, and my breakfast I:C sits at 1:3 (with most other meals looking like a 1:3.5). I am doing the best I can and that’s all I can do – I remind myself frequently. I feel guilty about the days when I bounce from 80-150 instead of 80-120, but I move on, telling myself that I am adjusting based on those higher numbers, and that every day is a new day, and diligent and consistent effort will (and it does) pay off.

That ‘s all I got for now ;)