Something happens – mailman, stranger, cat coming in. Dogs
bark. As quickly as it started – they shake it off. They live in the moment. We
(I) could learn a lot from them.
I have often wondered why humans tend to get so hung up on
everything. Why we drive ourselves crazy with “what-ifs”, why we provoke
anxiety by thinking too much about the future (or the past!), and not enough about RIGHT NOW.
Too often, I catch myself thinking about all the possibilities, in particular
focusing on the worst possible outcomes (cause of course!). What if. What if. Consciously,
I know thoughts are just thoughts and we do not control them, but why do we/I
dwell on them so much, why give them so much weight. They are after all just
thoughts. When something (good or bad) does happen, we will react, right? We
will consider the circumstances and address if and what we can do to achieve
the best possible outcome. So, why worry? Dogs don’t worry. They certainly don’t
sit there thinking about how the mailman is going to come and scare the shit
out of them. But when he does, they react. And when they realize it’s not a
threat – they shake it off. And they don’t think about it again. Humans on the other
hand…
This applies to diabetes management. Oh - my blood sugar is
high. Why? What did I do wrong? This sucks – just screwed up my perfect line, Grr!
Oh, my blood sugar is tanking! FUCK. What did I do wrong? Why now? This sucks.
Can I control myself and not over-treat? I feel anxious. This sucks. The
problem is it does not stop there –I catch myself almost obsessively looking
over my 24-hr CGM lines and focusing on that shitty spike or BG tank, blaming
myself for what has already passed, cannot be changed, and no longer matters. I
think about the possibilities of BG problems tomorrow. Should I change up my
basal doses (again!)? Realistically, I know there is only so much that is under
my control – physiology is so complicated. Realistically, I also know that my diabetes
is under the best control it ever has been – seriously if my next A1C is not in
the 5s, I will be shocked. So this morning when the same breakfast and insulin
dose that had me “spike” to only 122 yesterday morning produced a 166 today, I
was pretty frustrated. But I also realize that the moment has passed and that
it’s time to shake it off and move on. I reacted and it’s 134 and on the way
back down to range. And it’s fine. Life goes on. It is what it is, and today, I
refuse to obsess over things that are out of my control.
